My 10 New Years Anti-Resolutions for 2013

Throughout the course of the year, I generally end up doing everything humanly possible. New Years resolutions are therefore pointless because I already do everything I could possibly resolve to do. So instead of listing things I should do, I'm gonna list ten of the things I need to avoid. Here are those anti-resolutions:

  1. Contribute to global warming.

  2. Start a collection of antique kitty-cat figurines.

  3. Lose 1 million dollars playing BINGO at elderly homes.

  4. Learn ballet.

  5. Run for president (apparently it's too late.)

  6. Fail to write anti-resolution number 6.

  7. Begin a diet of only potato skins.

  8. Morph into a chicken.

  9. Watch paint grow (I'm sure I got that right.)

  10. Get arrested for writing one of the worst top ten lists ever.

Bam! Released before midnight!

I'm sure you probably have some funny ideas too, be sure to give me them in the comments.