Did I Keep my 2013 Anti-Resolutions?



At the beginning of last year, I made a list of things I wanted to not do instead of things I wanted to accomplish. You can see the list here: 10 New Years Anti-Resolutions of 2013

If you want to join the fun on Twitter, use #AntiResolution and say something you don't want to accomplish this next year!

Anti-Resolutions are so much more fun than New Year's Resolutions.

Let's go down the list and check which ones I failed to not do.

  1. Contribute to global warming.
  2. Unfortunately I used a boatload of electricity with my computer, phone, and everything else. That being said, I don't necessarily blame myself for the greenhouse gases used to produce that electricity. Rather, I simply supplied the money to the companies for a service and THEY did all the actual polluting. Then again, I also drove around a bunch during the last year which means my car may have produced greenhouse gases and thereby contributed to global warming. I also don't blame myself for this one. I blame society which decided to make all the businesses too far apart so that I must use a form of transportation other than walking or biking. Additionally, I ate tons of beef in the form of hamburgers which are made from Cows that definitely cause methane pollution. In the end, I failed to meet this anti-resolution though I think this one may have been unattainable.
  3. Start a collection of antique kitty-cat figurines.
  4. Luckily for the universe, I did not acquire any kitty-cat figurines this year. I especially didn't acquire any ANTIQUE kitty-cat figurines. I kept this anti-resolution.
  5. Lose 1 million dollars playing BINGO at elderly homes.
  6. Several times throughout the year, I had a strong temptation to go take out a million dollar loan and spend it at elderly homes playing BINGO. Then I realized that most elderly homes play BINGO for free and finding one that would allow me to gamble $1 million dollars would take considerable effort. So in the end, this one was easy to achieve and I managed to keep this anti-resolution.
  7. Learn ballet.
  8. Not learning something is very difficult for me. My brain is so amazing that I can absorb information and learn a new skill just by watching it. For that reason, every time I saw ballet happening on TV I ran away screaming "The Nutcracker shall not overtake me!" Maybe that's just because I have a phobia of nutcrackers.
  9. Run for president (apparently it's too late.)
    The end of the election happened in 2012 right before I wrote my 10 anti-resolutions for 2013. For that reason, I was unable to run for president. Or maybe its because I won't be old enough to do so for 15 years. Either way, this anti-resolution was achieved.
  10. Fail to write anti-resolution number 6.
    Technically, I accomplished this one a whole year ago. Usually it takes people months or even eternity to accomplish their resolutions. I accomplished this anti-resolution in the exact instant that I made it.
  11. Begin a diet of only potato skins.
    I hardly ate any potato skins this year. There was one point in which 50 futuristic robots forced me into their time machine where I was taken to a land where potato skins were the only source of nutrition. Needless to say, I beat up those robots with my bare hands and flew the time machine back home without eating a single potato skin. Then the time machine disintegrated and now I have no proof that the event actually happened. Oh well, I guess you'll just have to believe me.
  12. Morph into a chicken.
    I morphed into a chicken-nugget, but not an actual chicken. Again, I don't have proof that this happened but you'll just have to take my bird, I mean word for it.
  13. Watch paint grow (I'm sure I got that right.)
    I watched grass grow and I watched paint dry. I never watched paint grow.
  14. Get arrested for writing one of the worst top ten lists ever.Luckily, this is debatably not the worst top ten list ever. Even if it was, I didn't get arrested for writing it! Isn't it great to live in a society where we have the freedom of speech to be as pointless as we want?
Looks like I accomplished 9/10 of my anti-resolutions for last year! That's pretty good right? Stay tuned for my 10 anti-resolutions for 2014 coming January 1st.